I've been putting off seeing my doctor for ages. Why? I'm afraid. Afraid that they won't be able to help me. That they'll fob me off with a 'just keep doing what you're doing' response. Anxious that they'll want to change my medication. Again. I've had a difficult year with medical professionals. Long story short, [...]
TW: Suicidal ideation The period between 2003 - 2013 was a whirlwind of changes for me. The catalyst for these changes came from my online world. A place that held me safely in it’s hands. It was a place without judgement and a community full of compassionate individuals. I could feel the warmth and [...]
I find myself pining for the person I become when I'm manic. I've written before about how mania isn't always fun. I do miss it at times, no matter how many times I tell myself the negative aspects of it. Mania can be a mind blowing, euphoria filled trip. It's honestly better than any drug [...]
I've been really struggling this year... I've been out to gigs with friends. I've had nights out dancing and joking. I've caught up with friends over coffee. I can still have a social life and *shock* have a good time even when I'm having a bad time with mental illness. I've written about having a [...]
It is more than just being happy Mania makes me feel euphoricMania makes me feel constantly 'on' and readyMania makes me feel a constant sense of anticipationSufferers all have slightly different periods of hypomania and mania. An episode could last daysAn episode could last weeksA hypomanic or manic episode could last monthsMania is not always [...]
I have been very lucky with the care I've received from medical professionals in the past few years since my diagnosis of bipolar and psychosis. The two psychiatrists who've been charged with my care have been understanding and respectful. All good news. That is, until this week. I have a new psychiatrist. My first appointment [...]
Being publicly high functioning despite a severe mental illness means people getting annoyed with you when you don't deliver on promises or can't give them emotional support. They don't realise all your effort is already exhausted maintaining that high functioning persona. Commitments pile up on you and you can slowly start to unravel if you're [...]
Impatience, real impatience: Jumping up and down Stamping my feet shouting, "I need to know NOW" There's something about having bipolar that makes me impatient. When I'm depressed or manic, I need things to happen right now. For instance, at the moment, I'm waiting for three significant pieces of news. I'm beyond over waiting to hear [...]
Ten years ago I was a whirlwind of extreme moods, constantly battling against each other. I would suffer from severe depression, which decimated my sense of self worth. I was constantly signed off ill from work, and my career suffered because of it. I always felt exhausted and for a twenty three year old that [...]
I've lived with mental illness for more than half my life. Even so, it's only been in the past few years where I've felt able to talk openly about bipolar, psychosis and bulimia. It's everyones responsibility to help people like me find their voice. We shouldn't have to feel brave for speaking up, we must [...]
