The Warning signs of a Depressive Episode


Depression can be sneaky and creep up on you when you least expect it. I find the warning signs can happen either all at once, quickly and anticipated, or more slowly, like the depression is stalking me. I’ve written in detail about depression in my post 101 Things No one Tells You About Severe Depression This list is not exhaustive, and the warning signs can differ from person to person.

Feeling tired all the time. I will feel exhausted and sleep will no longer feel refreshing. I can sleep during the day; something I hardly ever do when I’m stable. I will constantly feel tired and all I will want to do is to go to bed.

Irritability. The smallest annoyance will have me losing my temper. Someone eating too loudly, people walking slowly in the street, not being able to find my hairbrush are all examples that will leave me seething and ready to snap.

Lack of concentration. I love to write, read and play video games, but when depression is near, I can’t concentrate. My world feels fuzzy with blurred edges. I find my mind wandering, often to darker thoughts, or simply zoning out.

Increase/decrease in appetite. My appetite will change completely. I’ll either want to eat all the time and find food comforting, or I’ll feel nauseous at the idea of eating.

Low self esteem. I’ll start thinking less of myself. I’ll look at my body and think I’m disgusting. I’ll look at my work and think it’s awful and want to rip everything up and start over.

Socialising less I enjoy going out and socialising, so it’s blatantly obvious that something is wrong when I turn down an invitation, or don’t turn up. I’ll feel a knot in the pit of my stomach at the idea of seeing friends.

No motivation My drive and positivity will go out the window. All I want to do is curl up on the sofa and watch tv, constantly. This isn’t just an ‘off’ day, this is when my motivation will disappear completely for weeks.

No longer enjoy my favourite activities As with a lack of concentration, my hobbies that once gave me pleasure and filled me with happiness, no longer do. Every suggestion made I turn down, not able to see the fun in anything.

As I don’t always realise I’m becoming depressed, I rely on my partner and close family and friends to keep an eye out for these warning signs. I’m much better than I used to be at spotting a change in my mood toward the low side, but I still occasionally miss a change in behaviour that’s glaringly obvious. Knowing these signs has made me feel more in control of my mental illness. I can act or make a change before the depression becomes severe and I find myself in crisis. There isn’t always an answer, but knowing I’m going to be ill means I can prepare for it. I let people close to me know how I’m feeling and I talk to my GP or psychiatrist. I’ve also written about mania in my post The Warning Signs of a Manic Episode

If you’re worried that you may be depressed, please make an appointment to see your GP. Many doctors surgeries offer double appointments, of 20 minutes rather than 10, so you can have more time to explain how you’re feeling and discuss options with your doctor. I always make double appointments when I’m struggling with depression, as I find it more difficult than I normally do to express how I’m feeling, and to get my point of view across. It means you won’t feel rushed and pressured to explain everything.


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Mental Illness and The Sometimes I Can, Sometimes I Can’t, High/Low Functioning Distinction


The first time I heard the terms ‘high functioning’ and ‘low functioning’ was when I first applied for benefits a few years ago. This is the idea that although you have a disability, such as a mental illness, you’re either able or not able to look after yourself and live your daily life. I had never looked at my illness in this way before. My illness fluctuates weekly, sometimes even daily, and this has a direct effect on what my capabilities are. I can’t predict when I’m going to be low functioning, as much as anyone doesn’t know when they are going to have an accident and break their leg. The ESA and PIP system is based on a misunderstanding of what it means to be disabled. This callous lack of an attempt to understand is costing lives. The major problem here is how people are distinguished between high functioning and low functioning. The reality is for many disabled people, functioning changes across different days and across different activities.

I have bipolar. Some days I am high functioning. I can write, go out and see friends, cook, look after myself and do all the things that I want to be able to do. On other days I am low functioning. I may be manic where I’m angry and irrational, acting impulsively and a danger to myself. I may be depressed and unable to get out of bed, unable to get dressed, and suicidal. At all of these times I am ill, even if I seem as high functioning.

Another problem with the distinction between high/low functioning is everyone has areas of life they function better in. Some are more academic, some are more creative, others are better at socialising. It’s the same for people with mental health problems. Some people have a job, but their home life suffers. They can’t go out and socialise or clean the house. Other people might find socialising easy and not stressful but find employment too much to handle and exhausting.

Right now, I can’t work. The stress related to it and the physical and mental exertion triggers me into a manic or depressive episode. This has been the case for years. I tried to carry on working but the toll it took on my mental health left me repeatedly off sick and left me unable to do anything apart from work and sleep.  On the other hand I can socialise without any problems. I have never found going out with my partner for a drink or seeing friends as stressful. People will see me on a night out and have no idea that I have a a serious mental illness.

Disabilities take their toll, but it manifests in so many ways. Functioning varies across time, situations and people. There is no low functioning or high functioning, there is simply people. People who are struggling everyday to live with and manage mental illness. Having to distinguish this at a PIP or ESA assessment is deeply frustrating and is often misunderstood by the assessor. They only see that you are capable of cooking a meal for yourself, or taking a journey on public transport on your own. They don’t take into account that these ‘good’ days can be few and far between. Months can go by before you feel well enough to complete simple tasks that people take for granted.

It’s not just the benefits system that uses this against the disabled. Many workplaces and individuals also only see what you can do, and not what’s realistic. I have to manage my mental illness, and that means I often have to say no. No I can’t work eight shifts in a row, no I can’t meet up this weekend. It can cause a strain on relationships and adds to the stress already related to being ill.


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Stigma in the Workplace


The nature of having bipolar has meant I’ve had quite a few, varied jobs. I’ve worked in retail, childcare and for the local council. One thing each of these jobs has in common is whilst there, I’ve experienced mental health stigma.

Whilst working in childcare, I was a supervisor of a team in charge of a room of toddlers.    I had been struggling with my mental health and at that point didn’t have a diagnosis of bipolar. I had been what I now know is manic and hadn’t been sleeping. My mood came crashing down and I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I was late for work one day and was brought in for a meeting with the manager and owner. Earlier in the year I’d had my probationary period extended because of the amount of sick days I’d taken. I was convinced I was about to be sacked. I decided to be honest with them and explained that I was depressed. They told me I couldn’t work that day and sent me home because,

“You would be a danger to the children.”

I couldn’t return until I was “No longer depressed.”

When I worked for the local council as a family worker, I again faced discrimination. Again I was having difficulties with my mental health and had to take time off. I felt that I wasn’t able to properly cope with adult life, that I was a failure. A certain colleague would make snide remarks about my time off, saying,

“At least I’m actually here all the time, not like some people.” Or,

“Some people are just not able to cope with stress as well as others.”

He would look at me directly as he made these comments, a smirk on his face.

I applied for a job at an NHS day nursery. The interview went well and I was offered the job, subject to references. I was ecstatic and went out and celebrated with my boyfriend. A few days later I received a phone call from the manager of the nursery. The first thing she said in an abrupt, unsettling tone,

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Naturally I was confused and asked what she meant.

“Your sickness record is very poor, you should have explained this at interview.”

I knew there was nothing I could say, and my heart sank. I didn’t get the job. At the time I had no diagnosis so felt I couldn’t pursue them for being discriminatory. To me, I was simply a broken person.

Near the end of last year I had to take time off work because I was struggling with a deep depression. When I returned the manager was acting very strangely. He hardly spoke to me and didn’t ask me how I was feeling or welcomed me back. I had a conversation with another member of staff who I found out also had Bipolar. It felt good to know I wasn’t alone at work. However, I was given a word of warning.

“Just be careful, I was nearly sacked because of my Bipolar.” I was shocked and concerned.

“What! Why?”

“The manager doesn’t get it. I was told to cheer up because I was bringing the rest of the team down. We had a massive argument and he nearly fired me.”

I instantly felt worried that I would have to paint a mask on at work every time I felt unwell. I then understood the managers reaction when I returned to work. I knew that Bipolar was not seen as a legitimate illness and I was deemed a nuisance for suffering from it.

These are just a few examples of the many times I’ve faced stigma at work. If I wrote down every time someone made a passing comment, or a manager shouted down the phone at me for being ill when I’d called in sick, this would be a mountain of a blog post.

So what can we do? 

It feels impossible at the time to do anything when you’re facing stigma at work, but there are options.

If it’s a colleague, speak to them first, if you can. They might not realise you have a mental health condition or have little understanding of what it’s like to live with mental illness. I know this is not always an option, I have been there myself, so I would speak to a manager, Many organisations have a mental health policy or a policy on bullying and harassment. If you are a member of a union, they can give advice and support. If it’s your employer discriminating against you, they can advise what your rights are and what to do next.

The Equality Act 2010 protects anyone being discriminated against because of their age, gender, race or disability. According to Time To Change, “To get protection under the Equality Act, you have to show that your mental health problem is a disability (that it has a substantial, adverse, and long term effect on your normal day-to-day activities). The law covers you during recruitment, employment and if you are being dismissed for any reason, including redundancy. Employers must make reasonable adjustments to work practices, and provide other aids and adaptations, for disabled employees.”

If you are being treated unfairly at work because of your mental health condition, this could be discrimination and against the law. The Mind website has extensive information about your rights at work and what to do if you are being discriminated against. They also provide legal information and general advice on mental health related law.

This is all information I wish someone had given me ten years ago. I often felt alone and isolated at work because of my mental illness, not realising I could encourage change in the workplace or take action against those that hurt me


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I’ll Keep Talking About Psychosis Whether It’s Relatable Or Not


I suffer from psychosis. I have auditory hallucinations, so I hear voices, either when I’m manic or depressed. It took me a long time, over a decade in fact, to face up to this reality. I was in denial that I heard voices, and convinced myself it was something everyone experienced. Now, I’m open about my experiences. I’ll talk to family and friends about it, and I can even joke about some of the stranger sounds and voices I’ve heard. I have shared my story online, notably here on my blog. You can read more about how ‘I thought the voices were normal.’ Realising I had Psychosis and Doubting Myself – Hearing Voices

It’s not an easy subject to talk about. Even starting a conversation about it can seem unbearably daunting at times. It can feel jarring to suddenly start talking about it, as it can seem like such a alien topic for people who haven’t experienced it. I have to judge the atmosphere and the mood of the person I’m talking to. I shouldn’t have to, but that is the reality. If striking up a conversation about psychosis is badly timed it can shock and jolt a person and yes, unfortunately, distance them from you. Sometimes the reaction is simply silence. Sometimes you can see the fear of what to say next in a persons eyes. Sometimes they ignore what you’ve said and start on another topic.

It’s all about really, truthfully communicating and educating others. If I can sense how uncomfortable someone is, I’ll ask them,

“What is it about psychosis that scares you?” Or,

“Why does this conversation make you feel uncomfortable?”

If I didn’t ask, and just let it slide and quickly moved the conversation on, I’d never know the answer. People need to understand that having psychosis doesn’t make you an insane, crazed killer. It doesn’t change you as a person. I’m still the same person as before anyone realised I heard voices. Most of the time confronting someone with these questions is positive. They know me, and want to hear me out. I’ll explain when it happens and what it means for me. For instance, once when I was manic I could hear voices coming from my phone. They were speaking loudly and animatedly, like they were at a party. Initially I thought somehow I had rung someone by accident, but looking at my phone, there was no call in place. It went on for hours whilst I tried to distract myself by watching tv. Every time I turned the volume up the voices matched it. I was already feeling irritable and this added to my frustration. I remember being beyond relieved when the voices finally stopped.

I’ll be completely honest here; it’s not a relatable subject. It can be a curiosity for others, or they can try and sympathise, but unless they have experienced it, they will never completely understand. The best I can do is to keep talking and sharing my experiences. I want to try and normalise it as a subject, so people no longer feel afraid to talk about it. I know that not as many people will read this than if it was a post about depression or anxiety, but that’s ok. Like I’ve said, it’s just not as relatable. People don’t have a frame of reference for it.

Educating others is key. The stigma attached to psychosis left me paralysed with fear and terrified for over a decade before I sought out help and support. I’m not afraid anymore and will continue to spread awareness.

Am I a burden?



Every time I go through a difficult period of depression this question plagues my mind; am I a burden?

Many of us who live with mental illness struggle with feelings of guilt. It seems to be intrinsically linked to how we perceive ourselves and it stalks our daily lives. Often I feel like I am worthless, and a burden to the people who care for me. Recently I have been severely depressed and these thoughts have emerged to the forefront of my mind.

Family and friends will say to me, “There is nothing to feel guilty for.” “You can’t help feeling ill.” I know these things, but it doesn’t take away the negative thoughts. Like I’ve already said, it is a part of my depression. There is a voice, always, telling me I’m not good enough, that I’m undeserving of love and happiness. It is almost impossible to ignore this internal voice when it follows you everywhere. Guilt is synonymous with mental ill health. We are constantly judging ourselves for being wrapped up in our own life and thoughts, and for taking up other people’s time and energy.

I don’t want to feel guilty for being ill. I don’t enjoy feeling this way. I don’t encourage feelings of guilt or want sympathy.

The pressure that is put on us by society to appear well, to not talk about negative feelings or suicidal thoughts impacts our judgement. We hide how we truly feel from the people closest to us, in the fear that we are burdening them with too great a responsibility. Our illnesses cause us to self destruct and to not seek help and support. It causes us to damage our relationships; sometimes irreparably. Mental illness is not on our side and it isn’t our friend. Yet we feed and nurture our relationship to it by staying silent.

Then there are the times when we do open ourselves up and we are told “Actually yes, this is too much for me to deal with.” Or worse yet, we are met with silence or ignored. When we are surrounded by genuine caring individuals, that voice in our heads reminds us of those difficult times; when we felt lost and alone, and we convince ourselves it will happen all over again. So again we stay silent.

Although the internal voice is still there, telling me I’m not worthy of help and I’m dragging people down with me, I’m no longer silent. I tell people that I’m mentally ill right now and yes, I’m struggling with the idea of telling people exactly what is going through my mind. Most of the time I’m met with love and support. However, people close to me do struggle with my mental illness, and they tell me so. I have learnt that this isn’t the end of the world. I have to acknowledge that it isn’t easy for them. Seeing me so poorly all they want is for me to tell them about some magical cure I know about which will fix everything forever. They want me so desperately to give them the answer only because they care about me. It isn’t because I’m a burden. My role is to tell them there isn’t one; but listening to me and offering practical support truly does help.

I would hate for the people I care about to never be honest with me, to live their lives tiptoeing around my feelings. So now we have these difficult conversations and we do get upset and we do cry, but we accept how each of us is feeling. We move forward together and learn how to cope with mental illness a bit better each time.


Mental Illness is More Than Depression and Anxiety


For many people, as soon as the term ‘mental health’ is brought up, what comes to mind is depression and anxiety. In no way in this post am I trying to say that depression and anxiety aren’t important, they can be crippling and severe. The problem here is that so much emphasis is put on these conditions, but we must be speaking up about all mental health issues

There are conditions out there that are seen as less palatable and not as relatable. Personality disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, psychosis, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder to name just a few. The general public can relate to depression and anxiety as they are more common and chances are, they themselves or someone they’re close to has suffered from these conditions. It’s easy to forget about a disorder when you have no real life experience of it.

When I’ve brought up the subject of mental illness and my struggles either with bipolar disorder or psychosis with people their first response is usually along the lines of,

“I get anxious/depressed sometimes.” That’s great that they can feel honest and open with me, but that wasn’t the point of the conversation. People will often turn a conversation around into something they can relate to. Talking about psychosis makes people uncomfortable and often they don’t know how to respond.

These less talked about conditions are also more stigmatised. With a personality disorder you’re seen as manipulative and attention seeking, with psychosis you’re seen as crazy and could snap and murder someone at any moment. Continuing to not pay these conditions any attention leaves sufferers feeling incredibly isolated and alone.

We need to raise awareness of all conditions under the mental illness umbrella. Ignoring conditions because the conversation is harder to start will only further alienate sufferers. Allow people to share their story. Their experiences are valid and important.

Mental health, the internet, and conspiracy theorists


Last week Time to Change charity shared this blog post What not to say to someone with Bipolar Part 2 on their social media channels. It was great to be able to reach a wider audience and to find new readers. In my foolishness, I decided to go on facebook, and read the comments section. This was a massive mistake. Although the majority of commenters were supportive and agreed with what I was conveying, I came across one poster that was vehemently against the recognised science behind mental illnesses. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but this one poster was spamming the comments section and making what I believe to be harmful statements. This is how it began:

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The poster was referring to medication, and how it doesn’t work. Intrigued, I looked up Kelly Brogan, a ‘holistic psychiatrist’, who believes that mental illnesses, (and cancer) can be cured through healthy diet and exercise alone. I felt that it was important to engage with this poster, and try to explain how medication is vital to many people living with bipolar disorder.

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After this calm, polite and factual response they went on the defensive, quoting a psychologist (who would have no training in medication or psychiatry), showing me a photo of a course they attended but not the information about the college or school, and swearing at me.


I wanted to get to the facts and decided to ask where all the evidence for these claims were. Many people that are against psychiatric medication in the UK often cite opinions and ideas that originated in the US. I thought it was important to make it clear the stark differences between the UK and US health systems.


After my questioning I was sent a barrage of photos of healthy meals and how eating this way would cure mental illnesses. It was also insinuated that myself and other people posting were not eating healthily otherwise we would be cured. The response below shows that the person is living in a fantasy land, comparing themselves to Martin Luther King or Gandhi. It seems they believe the majority of mental health sufferers are in the wrong and are being lied to.

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I found her responses to be incredibly rude, patronising and downright strange. Again, I asked to see some evidence that wasn’t anecdotal, but a serious, long term study. At this point, I was struggling to keep my cool, this whole conversation was making my blood boil.

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I still feel my responses were needed and respectful. What this woman was spreading was dangerous stigmatising of mental illnesses. This was the end of the conversation, as I received no response beyond this. Obviously she wasn’t able to back up her claims with hard evidence, which was my main point. As I said in my last comment, someone reading these comments could be in a serious crisis and in desperate need of support. Lecturing them about their eating habits and how medication they have been given is toxic could push them over the edge. All of us should live a balanced lifestyle with healthy eating and exercise at its core, but it does not cure bipolar, or other chronic, serious mental health issues. Medication as I’ve said previously, saves lives. The right balance and combination gives people a chance to live and thrive. As a community, people with mental health problems need to look out for one another. When we can, we need to stand up for those that do not have a voice, or are too unwell to see past such dangerous claims.

So, What Is Bipolar Disorder?



Bipolar disorder is characterised by extreme lows, and extreme highs. What I mean by this is extreme mood swings. Lows can lead to suicidal depression, and highs resulting in mania. Bipolar is extremely difficult to diagnose, as it affects people differently. Not everyone has extreme mania, which can result in reckless behaviour and delusions and hallucinations.

Depressive Symptoms 

If you’re depressed, it often manifests as being tired all the time, crying over little things or for no reason at all. You’ll find yourself losing interest in hobbies and activities you used to enjoy and not wanting to socialise or leave your home. Depression can leave you feeling worthless, hopeless and fill you with dread. The most serious aspect of depression is having suicidal thoughts, planning and possibly acting on them.

Manic/Hypomanic Symptoms

Hypomania begins with accelerated speech, where you talk very fast and people find it difficult to keep up with what you’re saying. You’ll not need to sleep or eat as much as you used to. Thoughts are uncontrollable and constant. With mania, your judgement may become impaired and you start to act impulsively. The most serious aspects of mania are characterised by a complete lack of control and putting yourself in dangerous situations, as well as delusional thinking (believing wild ideas about yourself or others) or hallucinations (seeing, hearing, feeling things that are not really there).

According to the charity Bipolar UK;

  • More than one million people in the UK have bipolar.
  • It can take on average 10.5 years to receive a correct diagnosis.
  • Individuals with Bipolar are misdiagnosed, on average, 3.5 times.

Below is a mood scale that explains the extremes of Bipolar. Most people will usually find themselves between 4 and 6 on this scale. With Bipolar, mood swings could leave you falling anywhere on the scale.


My Experience

As  I’ve already mentioned, Bipolar unfortunately can take a long time to diagnose. I first became very ill when I was 14 and was misdiagnosed with depression. It took until i was 27 to finally have a definitive diagnosis of Bipolar. The problem I have found is many people misunderstand it and only ask for help or are given support when they are depressed. Bipolar in young people can sometimes be misdiagnosed as ADHD, because of the manic symptoms they are showing.

I was on antidepressants on and off for years. Initially I was given counselling as a teenager, and took antidepressants in my twenties. They didn’t help me, but made my mood what I would call hyper. I couldn’t stop talking, I did reckless things, drank too much, took drugs. I would feel amazing and full of confidence on anti depressants. I would often become very angry and upset people and get into arguments and fights.

Now I’m doing really well, I’m stable and I’ve found the right combination of medication that helps me manage Bipolar. It’s taken four years to find the right combination of drugs that help me stay relatively stable. I need to be very strict with myself and take them everyday and limit how much I drink, or they won’t work how they are supposed to. I’ve been told by my psychiatrist that it is a life long condition, and I need to learn how to manage it.

So where did your bipolar come from? 

To be honest i have no idea what the cause of it was. I came from a happy family, although we struggled with money and had arguments, nothing traumatic happened to me during my childhood. My Dad believes that my Grandmother had it, but she was never diagnosed that we know of, and we think I may of inherited it from her. As a child I was quite quiet and would bottle up my emotions, and then I became very depressed as a teenager. It wasn’t until I was about 16/17 when my behaviour changed and now I realise it was probably mania. It was like my whole personality changed overnight and I became very loud, talkative and hyperactive.

Advice on what to do next

I think it’s important to be careful before diagnosing someone with Bipolar. It is a severe and life long condition and the medication is serious stuff. Doctors I understand want to be careful before referring patients. To be diagnosed, you have to have a psychiatric assessment with a psychiatrist, but you first have to be referred by a GP or counsellor. Often it helps to take someone with you to an appointment. Sometimes a doctor needs to see supporting evidence from family or a partner before you are taken seriously.

My advice if you are worried that you or someone you know may have Bipolar is to keep a mood diary. Track how you are feeling everyday over a period of a few months and take it with you to see a doctor. I know that seems like a long time but it’s better than waiting years to be heard. It might also help to sit down and write a chronology of your problems from when they started up until the present day. Both of these can then be evidence to show a doctor, and will show if there is a pattern of depression and mania.


Physical illness when I’m mentally well – it’s not fair!


It’s a regular occurrence, whenever I find myself mentally stable, I become physically ill. It seems so unfair. I have lived with this phenomenon for years. As my mind starts to heal, my body relaxes and I find I’m much more susceptible to becoming physically ill.

I have been stable for about four months. The first flare up was my back and I found myself in excruciating pain. I’ve been referred to a physiotherapist but I still wake up every morning in agony. It seems I’ve had this problem for a number of years, but my body has never fully relaxed. When I’m manic I’m full of energy and on the go. During depression I’m often extremely anxious. In both situations my body is tense, so my back pain hasn’t been so obvious. This week I’ve had a terrible cold. I haven’t had a full on cold like this for years, and it just so happens to coincide with me being stable. I don’t think this is a coincidence.

As a Bipolar sufferer, I have always suffered from what I call the comedown, or hangover from mania. Mania can be euphoric, but it is always exhausting. After an episode, I almost always become physically ill. I haven’t looked after myself properly for what can be months at a time; exercising till I nearly faint and hardly eating or sleeping. No wonder my body rebels when I finally relax.

I’m not sure what the answer is to this. My body is obviously reacting to how I have pushed it to extremes and how stress and anxiety has weakened my immune system. I’m hoping with longer bouts of stability, I find better physical health. I’m already finding that I’m eating more healthily and looking at finding a suitable exercise regimen.

What not to say to someone with Bipolar Part 2

Continuing on from the first part, which you can read here I’ve explored conversations I’ve had regarding bipolar. As I mentioned in part 1, many of the questions or statements are meant to help, but are things I have heard many, many times before. Sometimes they can be insulting, which is difficult to deal with. I have been taken aback by how little people understand the condition and what they feel is acceptable to ask. It’s like when a woman is visibly pregnant, and people will touch her tummy without asking. It’s invasive and so are some of the questions I’m asked. Statements are made without thinking. If people stopped and thought to themselves “would I be alright if someone asked me that?” they may change their mind before speaking.

You can’t have bipolar, you seem so nice!

I’m always confused by this one. Having Bipolar is not a character flaw. Just because I suffer with intense mood swings it does not make me a bad person. I’m not going to suddenly attack you or go on some rampage. Mental illness for the vast majority of us doesn’t work like that. I find people that suffer with mental illness have a huge amount of empathy for others, and are willing to support friends and family even when they themselves are struggling.

A healthy diet and exercise will make you feel so much better.

I know this suggestion is supposed to be helpful, but honestly I have heard it a ridiculous number of times. As someone that wasn’t diagnosed for over a decade of suffering, I have tried everything I can possibly think of and that includes a healthy diet and regular exercise. Although I agree it helps with general well being, it cannot alone alleviate symptoms.

But you don’t look Bipolar.

I’m not sure exactly what people imagine a Bipolar sufferer to look like? I suppose they feel I should be wearing all black when I’m depressed, with my head in my hands, rocking back and forth. When I’m manic, maybe they believe I should have a crazed look in my eyes and act like a clown all the time? People don’t always present as being manic or depressed. I don’t look much different during these times, I just look like me. I might look more tired than usual when i’m depressed, but on good days I can still dress up and wear makeup.

Do you really need to take all of that medication?

Yes, yes I do. Medication has saved my life and giving me stability that would never have been possible without it. I talk at length about this in the post Psychiatric Drugs Saved My Life

I’ve watched Homeland/Silver Linings Playbook and you don’t act anything like that. 

Bipolar disorder is not the same for everyone. There are different forms of Bipolar such as Bipolar I (characterised by extreme manic symptoms and severe depression), Bipolar II (with a milder form of mania called hypomania and severe depression). Rapid cycling (where you switch from mania and depression in quick succession). A mixed episode (where you could be dealing with both extremes at the same time) and cyclothymic (a chronic but milder form of Bipolar disorder). Film and television will always show the extremes of mental illness. I have become astute at hiding how I’m feeling, after years of trying to fit in. So I may not always appear to be ill, but in fact inside I’m struggling.

It’s a shame that I’ve had to post this, but the reality is that many people still do not understand bipolar disorder, and mental illnesses in general. I’m sure there will be a part 3 of this somewhere in the future, but I hope not for a long time.